As time is flying by very fast in my life, the very primordial question which I am asking myself every single day is why I became a monk in the first place.
Every single time I ask myself this question, I come up with only one reply from the very rock-bottom depths of my soul.
My whole being loudly cries out to me in unison that I have become a monk for the only sole purpose to dedicate every second of this rarely achieved human life of mine for the sole purpose of constantly meditating on my loving Nitai.
Lots of deeply contemplative thoughts are flowing within me today.
vairagira kritya sada (constant) nama-sankirtana; shak patra phal mule udar bharana.
I also feel that it is the culmination of my own soul’s spiritual practices for zillions of my past lives that now I have this incredible opportunity to be able to meditate on my Nitai for 12 Hours daily as a monk, without all the cumbersome responsibilities and entanglements of family life.
Even though my mind conjures up zillions of excuses not to meditate on Him for 12 hours daily, what spiritual benefit can I actually share with this world if I myself don’t truly attain love for Nitai in this very life first? Nada, nill, or simply nothing. An empty vessel can’t pour anything into another vessel.
How will I ever be able to transmit Nitai’s infinite love and bliss into others through my recordings if I myself don’t fully drown in His love at every single moment of my life?
A spiritually bankrupt or unadvanced person can’t help anyone else spiritually. He or she can just make a show or fake claims of helping. I don’t want to do that.
My students call me Guruji. I want to truly become qualified of that name. I don’t want to be Guruji only in name, a show-bottle charlatan Master who can’t even save his own soul first. Guru means one who is always heavy with the power of deep meditation (dhyan) and realized knowledge (vigyan) which comes from that meditation, whether it is in his or her recordings or personal meetings.
It is a very serious responsibility to guide other meditators purely and spiritually primarily by one’s own example first and only then by one’s words. How can I possibly guide others if I myself don’t experience the full depth of Nitai’s love meditation for long hours daily?
I will only be cheating those who put faith in my guidance if I don’t relish and realize my own 12 Hours Meditation first. In such a case, whatever knowledge I will be guiding them with, will be my own dry speculation without any genuine realization.
In fact, not just my sharing, but everything I do is totally fake without feeling that constant background current of the deepest love for my Nitai via 12 Hours Meditation on Him daily. I have already realized this quite clearly.
Before I touch the material energy to engage it in the love of my Nitai daily via even one thought, I want my own soul to be first fully drenched in the deepest loving meditation on Him due to the sheer power of having already completed my own daily 12 Hours Meditation first.
There is no absolutely no other way for me other than taking this daily resolution if I truly want to engage the material energy in sharing His love without getting burnt by it myself and without throwing my soul again in the ghastly 8.4 million bodily species of life.
Meditating on my Nitai while lying down has totally changed my life. I will describe how I practice my Meditation in detail in another post. Due to this simple practice, I can now not only truly vividly visualize Him but also join Him with His associates in His eternal realm of love for the first time ever in zillions of my lifetimes.
For the first time in 50 years of my life I finally feel that I now have a hitherto impossible shot at actually seeing Him face to face in this very life itself, which is simply not possible for even the topmost yogis in this universe who are meditating for millions of years.
My soul does not want to lose this golden and rarest chance at any cost, come what may. Who knows in how many zillions of more future lifetimes will I ever get such a precious chance again? It is a last ditch do-or-die opportunity for me which I may never get again.
I have strong faith that if I simply remain absorbed in deep love for Nitai through my 12 Hours Meditation on Him daily, even just my passive presence on this planet will benefit the souls of all living entities in the topmost way possible, not just the souls on this planet but in our whole universe.
Then what to speak of the supreme benefit I will be able to share with this world for the very first time in the form of the love-laden recordings which I will record after my blissful daily 12 Hours Meditation on Nitai?
And when I meet a soul physically even for a few minutes, I will be able to effortlessly transfer this overflowing love of Nitai which I have so carefully accumlated and condensed in my heart during my 12 Hours Meditation on Him daily. In my own humble estimation, this is the greatest gift I can give to any soul whom I meet.
In addition to this daily 12 Hours Meditation of mine being the most fool-proof daily preparation for my own death because the soul attains what one thinks of constantly, I also want to show to this world as a monk by my own example, not just my words, that this Meditation on Nitai is ever-increasingly blissful and accessible to every single soul, irrespective of any qualifications or conditions.
It is certainly possible to practice this meditation for long hours (3, 6, 9, or 12 hours) daily with extreme ease, zero boredom, and increasing joy. It is due to the vivid visions granted by this meditation throughout the duration of the practice, which are especially enhanced by lying down while practicing it. nama sudharas koriya pan, jurao bhaktivinoda pran!